Richard Crooks's Website

Silly Small Ads

Silly Small Ads

Why would you buy a chair, when you could be opulant and buy a throne instead? Isn't a vase a bit boring, how about buying an alien crystal skull instead? When I sell my items on the small ads system where I work, I find exciting ways of advertising them for sale rather than just run of the mill ways of selling them. This makes my adverts stand out, and provides some entertainment for everyone else. So I thought I'd directorise them, so that people who I don't work with can also see them.

If you'd like to search for anything in particular, just search here:

Unused Masonry Drill - £15

2019-08-07 22:02:00

I have this masonry drill which I think might be another level of amazing. You put it against a wall and boom boom boom boom boom, no more wall. And even better, no more wall in that little section of wall that you decided should have no more wall.

It also does no more area of wood of your choice.

It's really useful for drilling holes in. It can't tell you where the holes should go, the late great Ken Crooks would be able to tell you that.

It has never been used by me and is still in its original packaging. I've never had a need to use it and I bought it on a whim. It is being sold because it uses a different form of electricity to that which will be available to me soon.

If you would like to buy it, please email me and you can begin your masonryity!

A pair of CD Racks - Free

2019-08-07 21:53:00

I have a couple of CD racks to get rid of as part of the great emptying.

A Rotating CD Rack - This one spins round and round and round and round and round allowing the CDs to process around an extravagent view of the surrounding locale of the CD rack. It holds 64 CDs.

A Shelvy Sort of CD Rack - This one has 3 by 3 cells, a bit like Springfield Squares, which was a thing in the Simpsons, but is also apparently based on a thing in real life. It doesn't rotate, so it's unexciting from that perspective, but it can be attached to a wall. It holds 108 CDs.

If you would like either of these, please email me and I will give them to you.

Crate GX-15 Guitar Amp £20 ONO

2019-08-04 18:07:00

As the Montreal Alouettes announcer says, faire du bruit! At which point your cowbell should ring the freeest of the free ringing cowbells in order to stop people like Trevor Harris or Bo Levi Mitchell doing their ghastly quarterback associated misdeeds against the Alouettes.

If you're not trying to put such athletes off their tasks, and instead are trying to turn the non-accoustically loud noises made by electric guitars into music, you might want this amplifier. It's really good. It's excellent as a practice amp, although I think it'll be difficult to use if you're a part time stadium rocker because it's not quite big enough for Percival Molson field, as an example.

It uses 230v electricity, which is why I'm selling it. If you would like it, please email me and I'll be pleased to sell it to you.

Turn my Lack Tables into a Lack of Tables!

2019-08-04 17:10:00

I have a load of furniture and stuff, and it has to go because I'm not putting a load of flatpack furniture onto a shipping pallet and asking for a CBSA agent to check that I've filled in a form properly, especially since it's wooden and from IKEA.

Brown-Black Lack Coffee Table £15 - You can also put tea on it, which is more quintisentially British. When I buy another one of these I'll be putting coffee on it. It also has like a rack like thing that you can put stuff on too.

2 Oak Effect Lack Side Tables £3 each - They go to the side, of stuff, that exists. You can put these to the side of anything. Your sofa, your chair. One of them is currently to the side of my shelving unit, and the other one is to the side of my sofa beneath my flag and occasionally has the true patriot love in all of us command projected at it. If you would like either of them in particular, I will give you that one, but they are otherwise the same.

If you would like these, please email me I would be most pleased to sell them to you, and I'll even accept offers because they need to be sold.

Small Appliances to Sell

2019-08-01 14:12:00

Cook up an eclectic range of delicious noms with these impressive kitchen appliances.

Upright kebab grill £10 - grills up to 10 small kebab skewers deliciously evenly as mini rotating donner kebab style deliciouses, which cook deliciously evenly as you watch. Often used to make Persian liver kebabs (uncanonically with pork liver) by me. It has been cleaned to remove the liveriness if you prefer more boring meats like chicken.

Slicer £10 - Turns boring and uninteresting enormous blocks of the finest, most Canadian cheddar (or rather the Canadian cheddar that someone else deals with the customs clearance for, which is significantly younger than 10 years old) into slices of cheese. Can also do other types of stuff that are food related such as maple cured bacon.

Ice Cream maker £5 - Chill the thing that you put the ice cream in, add your ice cream mixture and churn, voila, ice cream. Makes delicious ice cream with normal ingredients like truffles and porcini mushrooms, as well as exotic things like vanilla. Also does sorbets too.

Fan heater Free - Make yourself much warmer with this fan heater. Not so useful at the moment, but when it's -273.15 in January, this will give you a bit of warmth.

The way to combine all of these accessories into one nom is to use the slicer to slice some slices of homemade bacon, thread these slices onto skewers, then chop finely and mix with maple syrup and egg yolk custard to create an ice cream mix for a delicious maple and bacon ice cream. You can then sit and eat the ice cream in front of the fan heater to increase the ice cream experience.

These are much loved and I'm only selling them because I will shortly have to use a different flavour of electricity which these will be displeased with.

If you would like any of them, please email me and I'll be pleased to sell them to you.

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