Richard Crooks's Website
Silly Small Ads
Silly Small Ads
Why would you buy a chair, when you could be opulant and buy a throne instead? Isn't a vase a bit boring, how about buying an alien crystal skull instead? When I sell my items on the small ads system where I work, I find exciting ways of advertising them for sale rather than just run of the mill ways of selling them. This makes my adverts stand out, and provides some entertainment for everyone else. So I thought I'd directorise them, so that people who I don't work with can also see them.
CDs and DVDs for sale!
I still have a vast quantity of discs to sell. Each one of these is a line on a form which someone like the nice woman who caused me to lose my Kozlik's spices will have to read. You don't want her to have to read a form do you? Even if she did cause me to lose my Kozlik's she was very nice and she doesn't deserve to have to read more lines on a form than she has to.
They're also so shiny, and they spin round and round and round and round, really, really, really fast. Of course you don't have to actually watch the spinning, because that spinning turns into sounds and audio-visual delights which you can sit back and enjoy.
If you would like any of these CDs or DVDs, they're £1 each unless otherwise stated. Please email me and I'll be very pleased to sell any, or indeed even all of them, to you.
An external optical drive
Someone told me they couldn't buy any of my discs because they didn't have an optical disc reader! Outrageous! What a terrible calamity to be the case!
Such an unfortunate scenario really needs to be averted... but how could it be averted?
Luckily, there exists a device that you can use to turn your not an optical disc reading computer, into a genuine bonafide optical disc reading computer!
The person who told me they were unable to play any discs should approach me and ask to buy it, but even if they don't, anyone else can approach me to also buy it and I would like £5 for it. It's really easy to plug in and it works and allows you to play discs. This is really useful if you have a notebook size computer which lacks an internal optical drive.
If you would like it, please email me and I can sell it to you.
DVDs For Sale
If you eat a large quantity of cheese, you can go to sleep at night and close your eyes and start dreaming really bizarre dreams that are utterly bizarre, plus you'll remember them and turn them into films that you'll watch, and everyone else will watch too and then you'll become a really famous movie director who will have lots of really bizarre movies that everyone likes, all because you eat cheese. Then you'll buy a Lexus and a mansion in Laval, QC.
However if you don't like cheese, or don't fancy eating enough of it to start interfering with your dreams, you might instead like the films that other people have made. With their cheese eating sacrifice they brought you these videographic delights, and all they had to do was to eat lots of cheese.
If you would like any of these DVDs, they're £1 each unless otherwise stated. Please email me () and I'll be delighted to sell them to you and tell you about the huge block of exceptionally ripe taleggio that I managed to obtain that it fraught with utter deliciousness.
CDs For Sale
Do you ever find yourself sitting at home going wreeawm down, nowm down, brawawnown dowm down, ba dooo de doo. Or even bar doooo, dooo doooo doeediii doooo dalooodoooo dooo doooo.
Wouldn't it be good to save some sort of thing that creates the music for you?
With these CDs, you can create some music without having to use your internally imaginative synthesizer! You just put it on and sit back and listen to the pleasing music.
All discs in the attached list are £1. If you would like any of them, please email me () and I'll be delighted to sell them to you. They are being sold because of my direct involvement in a daah da da da da da da da dadaladada in preparation for a daaah daaah da da!
Not So DVEvilDs
Esteemed director, Steven Spielberg, claimed that the film Paranormal Activity was so scary that even the disc he was given to watch it was haunted, such was the demonic evil associated with such a motion picture.
I've never seen this film, because I'm even scared of the sound of cornflakes so such a film would be far too scary for me! However I do have this collection of DVDs to sell.
They're all really good and they cost £1 unless otherwise stated. I recommend you buy as many of these as possible, because the more of these you buy, the more space they'll take up and the less likely you are to accidentally buy a DVD that's as evil and as haunted as the one Steven Spielberg had.
Please see attached list, and if you would like any of them please email me.