Richard Crooks's Website
Silly Small Ads
Why sell a chair, when you could sell a solid gold throne that has undergone such extensive renovations that it is now basically made of wood? And why not have a reason for learning French, like the need to establish contact with a colony of French speakers as part as your attempts to woo one of them?
When I write small ads, I like to make them exciting, and fun to read, so that people remember them. Too many small ads are boring, so why not make fun ones?
Read my fun small ads here.
2017-11-30 - 10:13:00
I really like sandwiches, but I like really awesome sandwiches which are a level above the boring sandwiches on ready sliced loaves and are made with the most delicious bread, often from my home artisan bakery and composed on nothing but maple syrup. Okay perhaps they have more ingredients than maple syrup, and indeed rarely have maple syrup at all, but in short they are delicious breads which require the finest slicing.
So when I was slicing my bread rolls the other day with my bread knife I was creating an awful mess everywhere because the bread knife simply wasn't very good and had a limited efficacy in cutting the bread. This was incredibly frustrating, it was almost as frustrating as seeing how bad the Alouettes, Packers and Canadiens have been in their respective seasons.
Perhaps the breads that you like to consume are much more amenable to being sliced by this bread knife due to various things involving physics of breads and knives. If so I would be pleased to give you this bread knife. If you would like it please email me.
2017-11-28 - 10:05:00
I was browsing Facebook late last week and discovered that Independent Spirit of Bath were selling a maple and coffee freeze distilled porter. This sounded like an incredibly rich and delectable beverage to entertain your palette.
Unfortunately, as it had a somewhat high 19.1% alcohol, it would be a difficult beer to sit and enjoy as a pint. It would be like drinking a pint of sherry, a very silly thought indeed.
But I have the ideal tool to help you with that, a bottle lid adder.
With this exceptional Italian tool you can add lids back to bottles of beer. Not only is this excellent for taking sensible size servings of exceptionally strong beers, but it's also useful for sampling small amounts of beer to make beer cheese, or for bottling home brew.
It is free, and I can bring it in. It lacks wheels, but can be easily carried.
Please email me if you are interested.
2017-10-23 - 12:04:00
I have written a hair measuring algorithm as part of my training that I need lots of data to test the robustness of it. The more data I have the better because more data means better analysis (up to a certain point), and most of all I like data almost as much as I like toffee sauce.
Because I like data so much, I'd like to collect as much of it as possible with the help of as many people as possible. So if you've got 5 or 10 minutes spare, I'd be delighted if you came and helped me collect data by taking a photograph of my beard with a dermatoscope. This is very simple to do and will take about 5 minutes. You don't need to have ever used a dermatoscope before or even know what one is.
Ideally I need to collect all the data on the same day (because my beard grows, which is quite annoying!) So if you are in this Friday (27th October) and have a few minutes spare and want to help me collect data, please can you come to the Laser Clinic at the end of corridor on floor 3 in the North building. It's really easy to find, because you just keep walking on level 3!
Feel free to drop by if you have a few minutes spare, anytime between 8am and 4pm this Friday 27th October will be excellent.
If you're lucky I might even tell you exciting things about toffee sauce, beer cheese, Canadian football or any of my other outlandish interests.
2017-10-15 - 21:40:00
A man with a mane as impressive as mine (it's so much of a Maine, that it's actually a Canada) needs a hairdresser that will treat the mane with the care that it requires.
Can anyone recommend any hair dressers who'll trim loose ends from a man's long hair for a reasonable price? The place my mum goes to run by my old classmate Trevor will do that, but I don't fancy going to clanger eating country for a hair tidying up. Most of the more typical men's hairdressers I know of are the sort of place that will cut the whole thing off, which is not what I want!
2017-09-13 - 17:47:00
Due to poor performances, including falling to the bottom of the power rankings this week, despite having the Red Blacks Grey Cup hero from last year Ernest Jackson and currently leading the eastern division's embarrassing form this year, Jacque Chapdelaine has been relieved of his duties by the Alouettes, in order to allow the team to get a better head coach.
Just like that Jack who is going to be departing, I also have a Jack[et] which is going to be departing, in that I have a Jack[et] in a Pack[et]. It's a type of coat, only it fits in a pack, which makes it very useful for transporting. Unfortunately it's too small for me as I now resemble Henry VIII, a monarchy with megalomaniacal schemes almost as grand as mine, but significantly more wives than I wish to have, so I think he prefered having wives to establishing multi-temporal regimes.
The size is large.
It is free, and if you would like it I shall bring it in for you. Please email me if you are interested.
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